Monday, January 29, 2007
So my friend Chris today has the audacity to tell me women my AGE are pretty much undatable because: " All ladies your age that are single have too many bad experiences and are jaded or plenty of baggage. It's just to much effort sometimes trying to prove your not the EX." At first I was furious and then it made me contemplate myself, my friends and my experiences. It's so true... Most of the time we aren't simply happy dating the nice guys we meet: they have to be perfect, and they definitely have to be a hell of alot better then the EX. This of course includes proving that they are trust worthy instead of trusting them right away, also proving they are worthy of our love because we are definitely not just going to give it up again... How does this problem get resolved? how do we get away from this stigma? And how do we learn to just accept these silly boys for who they are without always wanting to change them? Clearly I don't have the answer... But I would love to be enlightened...
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2 comments:
Well, as commendable as it is to commiserate with your friend on his female problems-and there are gals out there screwy and jaded to be sure-please do not let him misguide you from what I see as a more self-reliant and mature instinct you had to his blanket statement about older girls.
I have heard this and more comments (including we only focus on getting married and pregnant) and albeit some of these desires are true for many women in late 20's early 30's, I have to beg you to re-think your obvious self-doubt...it IS better to make anyone new in your life earn your trust and love. It is safer, smarter and less heartache involved. This only comes with experience and maturity. I too was once the 'jump in with my whole heart, life, support, unabashed youngin', yes fun and terribly romantic as it is...it keeps you from evolving and taking care of yourself if not eventually curtailed. It is young and impetuous, dangerously more emotional and time consuming. We can accept each other for who we truly are, without having to give all, let all hang out right away. This doesn't imply manipulation or trying to "change" the other, being more careful and treading lightly in the beginning just makes good sense that a more experienced person will see as valid & smart. A strong and loving woman first loves herself, takes care of herself. Do not fear a stigma- strong, self-assured women are sexy. A good man will appreciate this not attack it or be intimidated by it. Don't be guilted or shamed because you are getting smarter, fine tuning your reactions based on experience. It is a wise thing.
Not all people carry baggage in a negative way (some of us grow and analyze and make changes for the better because of them), perhaps your friend just needs to grow up before realizing this!
i think if i were single again, i would relish in all that i have learnt and i would speak up from the start. let the world know that i am sexy and i know what i want. i'd tell a bloke when his comments are inappropriate. tell them flat out that, look, us women are fabulous, i'm a great catch and if you don't realise that, well, someone else happily will.
but, i'm married and work with the love that i have in my home. it's not easy and i don't think that if i'd actually conducted myself in the manner described above it would've been any easier. guys and gals all have to realise that, especially as we get older, we have firmer beliefs and expectations. and we also have to learn and love enough to be flexible to share our lives with someone else. there is a delicate balance of give and take and if guys aren't willing to bend a little, women won't be either.
i didn't actually think before i wrote, i'm just typing as the ideas come to me ...
i guess it's always best to go into everything with a very open mind. and to have fun. what is life without some lighthearted amusement? laughter really is the best medicine and too many people are too serious about everything. including love. if you can laugh at love and love's failings and shortcomings, you can laugh with love too.
big hugs! -xoxoxoxox-¥¥¥¥
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